I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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