She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
