I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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