I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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