how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize