I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
