Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
