i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
