Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
