he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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