Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
