When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize