Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
