i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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