Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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