Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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