I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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