I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
