I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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