What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
