so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
