I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
