Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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