Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
