FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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