Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
