Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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