I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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