He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
