she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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