im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have post one night stand depression
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