honey bunches of taint.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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