I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
