cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
