Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
BRING THE BAGELS
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
