I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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