She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
