I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is the high leading the old right now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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