Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize