People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
