No stitches, just platelets and will power
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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