the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
