I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
