Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
