this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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