this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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