The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
