i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drake has all the answers
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
