it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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