Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
