Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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