if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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