Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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