The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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