Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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