And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
worst night to have a conscience
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
