I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
