hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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