I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I will pee on everything he values.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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