I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
