She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
