I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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