What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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