Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
