I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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