She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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