you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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