I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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