My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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