I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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