btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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