R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
