He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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