We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
