We got so high we made milksteak
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
