He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
