I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
