If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
