I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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