Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize