singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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