I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wish my penis had a tongue
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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