She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
