What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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