Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize