I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize