come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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