i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
