Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
