Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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