She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
