Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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