you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
