I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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