I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
