if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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