a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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