You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
