And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
